I’ve always been a Christian. Initially, not in the true sense of the word, but as something I said to answer the question “what religion do you belong to?” as I was born and raised in a Christian home but did not really understand the weight those words carried.
When I truly became a Christian and decided to live by the standard of the word and not the world, I began studying my Bible because I wanted to know what that standard was. I came across the words of Jesus boldly written in red which says;
But those who assume they have very little to be forgiven will love me very littleLUKE 7;47 (TPT)
I love this translation because it used the word ASSUME. which is really what I did. I assumed i had little to be forgiven for since I’ve always been morally upright and felt I didn’t have any ‘obvious’ sins I saw in people who gave their lives to Christ had to repent from. I didn’t go clubbing or attend wild parties hosted by my peers, didn’t smoke, consumed alcohol only when forced, I wasn’t lustful and I didn’t have any addictions (that i knew of). I was basically what the world called a ‘good girl’.
Based on this assumption, I really did not do much when I became a Christian. I was conscious of my salvation, yet I did not know the extent to which i was saved. I placed myself on a spiritual high horse from which I compared myself others because I felt that Jesus only forgave me for little things and not those big ‘obvious’ sins I saw in others.
The day I came across those words written in red, I was thoroughly shaken up. It forced me to evaluate what I thought I knew about being saved. I realized I truly did love Jesus only a little. It was hardly a surprise that I wasn’t seeing any real transformation in my life.
So guess what I did? I loved a lot. I started praying and asking the Holy Spirit to show me how to love Him. I read my Bible and the words of David spoke to me which says;
Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.Psalms 139;23-24 (NLT)
I saw that Jesus saved me from behaviors I didn’t even know I had. I had a foul mouth, a really bad temper when offended, addicted to reading sexually explicit novels which I saw as ‘normal’ because well, everyone was reading it. I was insensitive to the feelings of others, had no fruit of the spirit and very judgmental in a negative way. I projected my insecurities to others and had an unforgiving spirit.
As time went by, the change was evident. At first, I didn’t notice but those around me saw an evident change in my behavior. I hardly get offended anymore, I stopped cussing completely and it was painful for me to be around those who did. I was always happy and at peace. I stopped reading books that didn’t contain words that were pure, true, honest and of good report. I was changed and I’m continually being changed from someone who loved a little, to someone who Loves a lot.