I Forgot God.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I did. For the last two weeks, I’ve been doing my own thing, barely remembering God, trying to figure out life all by myself.
How foolish I’ve been to forget that life is all about God and not about me.
I forgot that God is good and has always been good. I forgot he alone knows my future, I forgot that he asks me to not worry or be anxious about anything, but pray about everything. I forgot his numerous promises to never leave me nor forsake me no matter what, that he would be with me every step of the way, In short, I forgot he’s the most important person in my life. I forgot he’s the lover of my soul.
A few days after my last post, I had planned to spend a week with God, just reading and listening to his word, far away from social media and all it’s entrapment’s and more than ever, I totally forgot about him. I went on a hunger strike, I call it that because I didn’t each much, and I didn’t pray either, so hunger strike. It was like the devil heard I was on a mission and wanted to make sure I didn’t fulfil it. I legit blanked out when it came to God. My days were so full and busy I could barely get a word of prayer each night before i got into bed, weary and asleep in a few minutes.
I had promised the Holy Spirit that whatever he doesn’t approve, I won’t post on the blog. So whenever I sat and tried to write a post I’d just stare at the screen of my laptop, over several days, blank on what to write. No inspiration, no thoughts, just blank. All I knew was I had forgotten God, the one person I could speak to about anything. I could barely sum up the words to say Hello, good morning Holy Spirit.
I had the desire to pray, study the Word and seek the face of the Lord, yet I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Basically in the words of Paul;
I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.Romans 7:18-20
On one of the nights during the week, I woke up around 3:30 am with an unrest in my spirit. I just couldn’t sleep. At this point I felt I couldn’t remember how to pray either so I stared at the dark walls of my room. I eventually decided to open Crazy Love by Francis Chan, a book my friend sent me when I started the blog, to encourage me. Although I’ve read the book before, it hit different this time. I felt the Holy Spirit convicting and encouraging me all at the same time. I was reminded of scripture which says;
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord is willing, we will live and do this or that”James 4:13-14 NIV
I was reminded that my life is really just a vapour, here today and gone tomorrow, why should I waste it seeking what will not last and worrying about what God has already taken care of (Colossians 3:1-2)
I was reminded that frankly, I need to get over myself. That even though I may feel that my life is full of struggles, it’s to show that through it all, Jesus is with me, continually giving me peace, joy and strength to carry on.
I was reminded that since I’m surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (my family, friends, Bible characters), let me throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and I should run with perseverance the race marked out for me, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12:1-2)
I was reminded that Jesus asked us to watch and pray, so we won’t fall into temptation, because the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Mark 14:38)
I was initially ashamed to say this because I felt like I’m a spiritual somebody now, I shouldn’t be forgetting God. This is the part a lot of Christians don’t like to admit. That sometimes we have detours in this race, and without the grace of God, we may never get back on it. That it takes discipline and walking by the leading of the Holy Spirit to run with perseverance, this race set before us. (Galatians 5:16-18)
So I choose to be honest and transparent in my shortcomings. That by my experience, I can encourage others that although this journey is long, and we may sometimes forget the One who’s saved us from ourselves, we have the Holy Spirit to remind us of the One who called us to himself and loved us with an everlasting love.